Happy 2nd Birthday, Captain Greg!

 Greg is two!  It was hard to choose between a rooster party and an airplane party, ( he was assured we wouldn't have a vacuum at his party), but airplanes won.  

 Greg takes pictures just like his Daddy - with plenty of faces and lots of personality.

 Taking a walk to find stones on our birthday., and of course, listening for airplanes.

Mommy prepares for the party with airplane favors and a fun flight themed table.  Daddy helped to think of all the signs.

  

 Greg always wants to "help-a-cook."

 We played games like "pin the propeller to the plane" and "Paper airplane toss."

 Greg likes to be with people, but you will usually find him working or playing by himself in a crowd.

 We even tried parachute jumping!  But the leaves were more fun and offered a safe landing.

Daddy made Greg this super nifty airplane swing!  He has plans to make it look like some sort of bomber eventually, and is hoping to turn making various kinds of swings into a side business someday.  Greg loved this swing!  He didn't want to let anyone else have a turn.

 

 Blowing out candles is tough work!

 Most of the pictures from Greg's party were blurry because there was so much motion going on.  Hard to keep all these kiddos still enough for pictures.  This was one of the best pictures to show presents.  The sword is one of Greg's favorite gifts.

We love our sweet, energetic little boy!  He loves to help clean and cook.  His favorite thing to do is help Daddy, which involves using real tools and working around the house.  He has developed a great work ethic, likes to be organized and neat (can't keep eating if his hands get messy), and can speak in 4 word sentences now.  He enjoys reading, working on puzzles, playing with balls, planes, trains, and wrestling.  Outside is still his favorite place to be.  He can help put away all the laundry and knows where it goes.  He knows his shapes, some colors, and is trying to learn his letters and numbers and a few notes on the piano.  His newest interest is his cousin, Baby Iris.  He is intrigued by her and wants to give her a paci/blanket, rock her, and pet her.  I think he will make a great big brother someday!  He has recently learned the art of imitation and will mimic anything you do and say. Greg also loves to give "squeezes" (hugs) and "skatches"(back scratches).  His favorite foods still include green beans, beets, oranges, "bononees"(bananas), coffee, milk, mac and cheese, and bacon. Red is still his favorite color preference.  It's been amazing this year to watch him grow from a baby who could barely walk, into a toddler, and into a little boy always going places and doing things.  Looking forward to what this next year brings!

Smiles!

Smelling the Roses and Hunting Airplanes

The above title doesn't make much sense, does it?  Just wait, it will by the end of this post (I hope!).  This entry has been a long time in the making, but I needed time to process thoughts and feelings.  Before I get to the explanation behind the title, let me first back up and review the last few months of our lives.

In July, Brian and I received an answer to our prayers and I became pregnant.  We were ecstatic, to say the least.  We were going to be parents again and Greg was going to have a brother or sister!  We announced it to family with this picture:

At about 6 weeks, we had our first appointment with the midwife where we would hopefully get to see the baby and hear the heartbeat.  It was early, so we were expecting that it might not work.  But when we went in, there was nothing.  Oh, my uterus showed pregnancy, but there was nothing to see or hear.  It appeared that I was still only about 2-3 weeks pregnant.  We knew that meant things either took off slowly….or the pregnancy didn't take and I was awaiting a miscarriage.  We went home sad and a bit anxious to wait the two weeks until we could check again.

Two weeks later came and went.  And oh joy!  There was growth!  We did see something and the sac had grown!  But no heartbeat.  How odd.  My uterus was now showing about 8-9 weeks growth but what looked like a baby was still showing about 5 weeks.  Because there was growth, we had hope again.  But things were still not right with the pregnancy and we were uncertain.  Sent home to wait another two weeks.

In the meantime, I'm dealing with all the typical early pregnancy symptoms: fatigue, sickness, food aversions, nausea, etc.  Not as bad as with Greg, but still bad enough to make me feel like doing nothing all the time except for taking up status as a couch potato.  Two weeks later, showed that my uterus had indeed grown - was in fact large enough to be consistent with my dates.  However, it appeared that my uterus contained multiple "bubbles" or sacs.  My midwife decided to run some testing on my HCG levels to see what we were dealing with.  Possibilities for what we were seeing included a molar pregnancy, twin pregnancy that was developing strangely, first pregnancy didn't take and I was pregnant again but very early, etc.  We left the appointment with our heads and emotions spinning.  All the weeks of waiting and never able to get out of the first trimester!  Always wondering if the baby would make it or if we were still waiting on a miscarriage.  Hope and disappointment again and again.  The physical difficulties and trusting God.  Amazingly, we had so much peace and even joy - we knew God would take care of us no matter what complications I faced.  We knew it would be okay, though heartbreaking, if we lost yet another baby.

My tests came back normal - my levels were great!  There was no explanation for what was happening and all we could do was wait for something to happen.  Wait for a heartbeat, or a miscarriage, or….something.

I made it a few more weeks and things were looking up, or at least we hoped they were.  We knew something was still not quite right.  There are not words to adequately describe the emotion and the waiting.  Finally, Friday evening, September 27, we were at a park having a picnic dinner, and it started.  It hit suddenly with almost no warning.  I spent about 11 hours in labor and intense pain, constantly checking my blood pressure, etc, to see if I would need to go to the hospital.  And then, it was all over.  All over except for the memories.  We had lost the baby at 14 weeks.  Another baby.  We prayed for God to bless us with children and He has - they just aren't all here with us.

I spent a few weeks recovering from the physical aspects of the miscarriage.  But the emotion of it all - the utter sense of loss, emptiness.  Feeling broken and vulnerable.  Wondering if we would ever be able to have another child.  Fearing the loss of husband and child now.  Anger at people who abort their child.  Jealous of other's pregnancies.  Guilt.  Fearing becoming pregnant and losing yet another child.  I couldn't take it.  Not for a third time.  All the emotions of grief.  Nights when the whole world seemed black and dark and all I wanted was my baby back.  I wanted it to just stop hurting, and yet, if it did, I didn't want to forget.  The days when I wondered why.  Why did I have to go through pregnancy sickness and labor…for nothing?  Moments when I just didn't want to hear that another friend was pregnant and not feeling well.  I know we all have our crosses to bear, but I just didn't want to hear that they were sick and tired because of a pregnancy, when I would give my right arm to have my child back and be the same way again.  Something about this miscarriage reached deep inside and ripped my heart to shreds.  I walked around trying to continue on with life and plaster a smile on my face that reached only surface level.  Because life goes on.  Meals still have to be made.  Family has to be taken care of.  Friends and family still become pregnant.  The last month or two have been full of healing and struggles to find my way up.  To surface and breathe again.  It's been a hard, growing year.  And I can do is turn with thankfulness to my Savior - the One who stores every tear in a bottle.

It's almost Thanksgiving now.  And I have finally found my way again.  We have undergone tests and are now taking supplements to heal my pre-menopausal body.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to have children again.  I think I will; I hope so, but not right now.  The loss still hurts.  Deeply.  But I'm okay.  I'm content with where we are in life.  If I never have another child, I'll pour everything I have into loving and raising the sweet son God has blessed me with.  I can be content with only one child.  I have joy in blooming where God has planted me now.  It's still hard.  But God has provided a Haven of rest, joy, contentment, and peace through this recent child.  Baby Haven.  I know that God cares more about my heart condition and my relationship with Him than how many children I have or what I accomplish in life.  I know that His direction for my life is totally different than I ever thought it would be like.  But it is way better.

And that's where smelling the roses comes in.  The fragility of life and the short time we have on earth is incredibly real right now.  Life can be so busy and sometimes feel so connected, what with technology at our fingertips.  But I'm choosing to spend my time investing in people - in my child and husband, instead of focusing on housework or making bread or finding a great deal.  Instead of running around places, I am taking the time to play in my child's world.  Since he loves airplanes right now - we are hunting them right and left.  Searching the sky, pretending to be fighter planes that crash into each other (and maybe tickle!), flying pretend airplanes.  Taking time to just sip a cup of tea and cuddle with Greg and his favorite book.  Keeping my day flexible.  Allowing Greg to help wash dishes - even if it takes three times as long with twice as much mess.  Being rewarded with a smile.  Husband and wife paying more attention to each other.

Time is too short and precious to be wasted.  I like this little poem by Irene Foster:

Now is the time to get things done…

  wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, 

  explore the world in a boy just four.

Now is the time to study books…

  flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder "up," where God sleeps nights,

  why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later there'll be time…

  to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor -

  Later on…when he's not just four.

And this one by Wilfred Peterson:

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the heart - love, kindness, joy, understanding, sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness.

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the mind - ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals, principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry.

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of words - encouragement, inspiration, guidance.

The only true gift is a portion of thyself.

I only have one chance to raise this child.  He will be two only once.  And I can choose to long for what I don't have, or I can choose to enjoy the moment and what I do have.  I know this post is long, but I have wanted to write all this down for a while.  To remember.  It contains only pieces of what I really wanted it to say, but some things are just better left unsaid.  Like Mary, I ponder them in my heart.  These last few months have grown and stretched me in ways I didn't believe possible, but my relationship with Christ, my husband, and my son have grown into blessing I couldn't have even imagined.  God has renewed life within all of us and restored a passion for abundant life again.

As the sun shines through my window, filling the room with warmth and light, I feel that I am blessed.  That God is smiling and everything will be okay.  I don't know what is to come, but somehow, that doesn’t even matter.

My cup overflows.

Re-Cap of January and February

Last I left you, we had just returned from PA.  In that time, Greg has cut two more teeth, began walking (for real this time!), tried some new foods (cantaloupe, cauliflower, steak, and kiwi), and learned to roll a ball.  He loves to play chase!  He is also learning to identify animal sounds.  He knows the monkey says "ooh, ooh" (he makes a cute panting sound for this), and that lions and bear say "grrrr, or roar."  He can make the sound of a goat, too.  At this point, all other animals growl, apparently.  He is also learning colors, numbers, and letter recognition.  He can say "cracker" and "mama" and "all done."  He said his first sentence: "Mama, nana (banana) all done."  He is working on coming to Mommy, picking up his toys, and not throwing fits. ;-)  He loves to ride his car outside, and pushes his cousin Eden around everywhere, "ssshhing" her if she cries.  He bear crawls everywhere when he doesn't walk.

I attended a ladies retreat that was absolutely beautiful!  Also left Greg for the first time overnight (yikes!).

 The grounds were beautiful!

 Greg LOVES to swing and to play outside.  He is happiest left exploring the great outdoors.

 He also is fearless and enjoys sliding down the slide.  In the picture above, we are playing at Tiffany Park where they have a toddler park.  This is a great idea since Greg can climb all over everything and I don't have to worry about him falling from a great height.

 Planting the beginning of my container garden!  One year, I'll have a real garden, but for now, this works well.  Pineapple sage (attracts hummingbirds), spearmint, and flowers (wormwood, snapdragons, and a few others).

The cute little heart I made for Valentine's Day!  I love buttons!  It's 3D, though you can't tell very well from the picture.

We are still job hunting and house hunting, and trying to enjoy life where we are at!

Smiles!

30 Day Challenge

I know it has been a while since I have posted, but I was hoping that our camera would have been found.  Unfortunately, it is still lost, as are the pictures I wanted to post next.  I am praying earnestly that it will be found...soon!  Normally I would write a catch up post, but I plan to do that Friday (as noted in the new blogging schedule I posted a few weeks ago).  Tuesday is supposed to be a project I'm working on, and I wanted to make note of that.

I'm doing something I have never done before.

For those of you who know me well, don't hold your breath.

I'm working on a...  *drum roll please*  EXERCISE CHALLENGE!!

*gasp*

That's right.  The girl who has an extreme dislike of exercise (except some pilates, walking, and the elliptical machine), and typically thought it a waste of time, is doing a 30 day challenge.  I've never been athletically gifted, and after my foot injury, never had time for it.  I'm the always-have-your-nose-stuck-in-a-book-research-a-topic-drink-tea sort of girl.  I've always admired the other type, though.  (Grass is greener on the other side?)

I have the last bit of baby weight I desperately want to lose, and I'd like to get back in shape.  Walking every day is helping, but not sufficient.

But I like challenges.  So I'm doing it.

Today is Day 2 of 30.  Last night, I couldn't even do the whole workout.  And it was amazing how many negative thoughts I had to mentally fight through as I battled last night.  Woke up sore, but not unbearably so.  I knew I had to do better tonight.  And I did!  I still was unable to complete a few things, but I did feel better.  The enjoyment factor still hasn't showed up yet, but the success is kind of fun.

Supposedly, on Day 5, I am supposed to feel a difference (slightly skeptical about promises).  This workout uses muscle confusion and a 3-2-1 ratio of cardio, strength, and abs to burn calories and build muscle.

I AM going to complete this, though.  (The doubts are present--I can't even lift my arms to my head at present because of the soreness)  But I'm doing it.  (And Brian makes a great cheer leader)

I also discovered that it helps to count.  I love to count.  I subconsciously count all the time--while I'm waiting, in bed, at a stop light--you name it!  Knowing that I have a particular number of minutes/seconds per exercise, and counting them, helps me finish.  It's having a goal to work for.  If I know I've got to do 60, well, then, that's much easier.

So there you have it.  My ramblings for the night.

Smiles!

"Let us not say goodbye..."

"Let us not say goodbye, but as the French would have it, 'au revoir!'"

- George Wickham, Pride and Prejudice

Yes indeed, a crazy, fun, whirlwind fortnight has passed and we are yet again, prepared to venture out into the world of travel and airlines. Hmm... yes. We've all had such a great time, with much fun had by all. Now our bags sit packed, awaiting tomorrow's morning flight.

I'm really glad that we had the opportunity to come up here to see family, play with Greg, and "relax" with those we love. ;-)

Until later!

Brian

Learning

Greg is learning to put things away!  He is doing a good job at it, too.  He has a bad cough right now, but is drinking my garlic lemonade without complaint.

I worked on sewing projects today.  I enjoy sewing when I make up a pattern instead of following one.  Frustration doesn't exist because I don't have to make it perfectly like a pattern.  I'm rather excited about them! The best part of making these skirts is seeing my creative side come out in something tangible.

Brian meanwhile has been able to exercise his creative side with the tiling of Mom's kitchen backsplash. It has turned out really spectacular.

Well, that's all for now!

Smiles!

Kitchen Remodel, Take Two

Today Brian worked on finishing the kitchen--one more day and we should be finished!  My husband is a genius at designing and working on stuff.  So much so, that while he was at Lowe's, a customer wanted to know if he would do a tile job for him.  Brian said he would be happy to, if he was around longer.  Several people said that if they had known that our circumstances would be like they are now, they would have paid Brian to remodel and we could stay longer.  All that to say, my husband's amazing skills are in high demand--a fact which makes a proud wife very happy!

It began to snow...but only a dusting.  Still cold for the workman, though.  I kept him supplied with hot beverages.  The really big storm is coming on Friday.  Funny thing is, if we had kept with our original plan, we would be here for it.  As it is, we will miss it, or get stuck in an airport somewhere.  Ironic, eh?  Should make this weekend hugely interesting!

 These lovelies are gingerbread cupcakes with cream cheese frosting!  The gingerbread was perfect-molasses-y, dark, fall-apart-in-your-mouth, soft, warm, fluffy deliciousness.  A pinterest recipe.  And not very sweet.  Definitely a keeper--can't have a winter pass by without making gingerbread and rice pudding!

 The tile job Brian designed himself!  All that is left is to grout and finishing painting.  Makes me think of the verse in Genesis where God saw all that He made and it was good!  So much fun to help other people achieve their dreams--whether family or friends in TX, around the world, or here in PA.

I took a video of Greg learning a new skill today--one he taught himself!  Hoping it breeds helpfulness to Mommy around the house soon.  I've tried to upload it four times now, but it isn't working.  I'll try again later.  The little tyke is so indecisive about walking!  He'll stand for ages, put a foot out, bend down as if to crawl, and repeat....before deciding to just crawl.  He's just gonna get up the courage to do it someday.  It is fun to watch this stage.  Watch him grow in confidence.  Watch him test the limits.  He has changed SO much the last month.  He "reads" to himself now.  And rocks and "sings."  I have been attempting to expand his sign language vocabulary, but for some reason, every new word we learn, ends up like the sign for "eat."  He understands the word, but for some reason, I can't get a difference in individual signs.  Ah well.  At least we are communicating!  He will sign for please, thank you, and your welcome (but all the same sign!).

Smiles!